Complete or Whole?



I recently had a conversation with an intriguing and thought-provoking person who mentioned that they were looking for someone to love and to share life with, but who was already "complete".

As our conversation ended I started thinking about this word he used, "complete". It got me thinking even more about where I have been and my own path. It took a bit but I came to the conclusion:

I am not "complete", but I am "whole". 

This brought up another thought of language and the way we put meaning to words. Now, of course, there is the definition that is usually the same for every person (because let's face it - definitions are exactly that). However, the meaning we put behind words can change from person to person. 

What I see as being "complete" is different to what he sees, however, taken my word of "whole" we seem to be speaking of the same thing. He wants to find someone who is complete - who is fine with being who they are, fine with being single and wants to share the journey of life with him. In his mind, finding a person or a lover shouldn't "complete" you, it should enhance and add to your life. 

When I think of "complete", I think of it in terms of "I'm not done yet" - I'm a work in progress and will probably never be complete and that is exciting to me. We are ever changing and ever evolving in the way we think, how we formulate ideas and various experiences and moments that change our lives for the better whether that's a positive or negative experience. 

Yet, if you take my meaning of being "whole" - I don't feel like I need someone to make me feel better about myself or my decisions. I don't need another person to complete the circle for me. I have worked through difficult times that created many years of ups and downs, but I've come out on the brighter side feeling even more alive than ever. On the other hand, I want to find that person to share a family with, a person who challenges me and visa verse, a person who loves my quirks and who sees me as an equal. I want to find that someone who will help me make the world a better place. So am I "whole" or am I "complete" and can I be both?


Now, to my final thought - we as humans, who think differently, who experience differently, who mature differently, who see and understand differently can use the same vocabulary and definitions yet the meaning can be different. This my friend, is beautiful because it opens the door of communication and engagement. 

Instead of harping on someone for not explaining themselves correctly in your terms, extend yourself.

Listen to them fully and strive to understand their meaning.

Ask questions so you can grasp their meaning of the word.

Be open to a different way of thinking even if it's not your preferable way.

It's okay - you're not changing all your thoughts and opinions, you're just understanding another human in their terms. Engage in the conversation.





*This is not in response to any political commentary*







Kirsten AsherComment